Pregnancy

so this might be long winded and very detailed but it's my blog so i can do what i want.  here we go....


it actually started around november of last year.  i felt like i was gaining some weight, which was the worse because my wedding was a month away.  i had several speculations of why:

1. birth control...even though my doctor denied any weight gain while taking it...seriously lady?
2. maybe i was getting more and more comfortable with thomas and probably ate too many hot cheetos with him.  i knew it was love when he said he loved them too.
3. it's the holidays. it's colder outside, more desserts and cookies, etc.
4. stress. my new job position required a lot more out of me which is great but hard when you're trying to plan a wedding and what not.

anyways now fast forward to july.  we went to st. george for pioneer weekend (for those who have never lived in utah its july 24th and it's a legit holiday) with our friends hannah and stephen.  it was just a little getaway where we played some games, ate, and had good conversation.  thomas' parents have a house there so it's nice we can go there anytime we want. i like st. george more and more each time we go down.

well we were going to go swimming but i was suppose to get my period that weekend and who likes swimming on the first day of their period? no girl ever. i'm always really regular like to the day and still nothing.  i got a little concerned and took a pregnancy test the following monday we returned. negative. hmm. maybe i'm just being impatient. maybe i'm stressed and that's why it's delayed? k just relax, ceecee (thats my childhood nickname fyi)

5 days past and still nada. so i take another pregnancy test. negative. what the what?  i started to get really worried. maybe there really is something wrong with me.  at this point i had gained about 35 pounds which is a lot of weight to gain in less than a year. talk about a hit to my self esteem especially when i up'd my exercise route and had zero results.  i started to do my research on my symptoms. 3 things. poly cystic ovarian syndrome, hypothyroidism or pregnancy.

i made an appointment on monday august 10th with my doctor to have a "well woman check up."  i told my doc the symptoms i was having and she asked if wanted to take a pregnancy test.  i thought sure why not?  i'm pretty good at peeing on demand.  i took one and waited.  she comes in and asks "so do you want to be pregnant or not?"
 "uh what?" that question caught me off guard.
 "well its really really faint but the little pink line is there so technically that means its positive."
 she said the only way to know if i was for sure pregnant was by blood work to check my HCG levels aka pregnancy hormones.  i had to take blood work anyways to check to see if my thyroid was functioning properly. after my appointment, i got my blood taken and they said they'd call later that afternoon to tell me the results.  longest 5 hours of my life.

i got the phone call during a meeting and for the first time ever, stepped out to take it.  she says that my thyroid levels are abnormal and she wants me to come in two days later on wednesday to discuss treatment.  also, i'm pregnant. my levels were at 26.7 which falls in the 1-2 week range. who finds out that early?!?!

so as any girl would, i freaked out the next two days.  i went to my wednesday appointment and we discussed my thyroid problem.  i was officially diagnosed with hypothyroidism which means my thyroid isn't producing enough hormones for my metabolism to function at a normal rate hence the weight gain.  now onto the pregnancy. the first thing she says "people with hypothyroidism have a very high rate of having a miscarriage and i need you to know this so you are aware...actually its hard to get pregnant and stay pregnant so you already beat one of the odds!"

i still wasn't sure if this was good news.  i had a million thoughts run through my head. more like a million emotions.  i wanted to be happy but i was worried.  am i setting myself up for disappointment? do i tell anyone? do i just accept that miscarriage is my fate? am i going to freak out the next few weeks at any change that happens within my body since i've never experience pregnancy before?

i go home and decide to tell thomas because he deserves to know and i needed support.  he was so good to me.  he was genuinely happy and excited. for about 2 weeks, i wrestled if i should tell my family and close ones especially since thomas and i were going down to california end of august and we were going to see both of our families.  we decided to do it with the disclaimer that i have a high chance of having a miscarriage because for some reason it made me feel better to tell people that.  maybe because it was saying "be happy for me BUT don't get too attached because we don't know whats going to happen."  it was more for me than anything.

i started telling people in my married student ward (thomas got called into the bishopric of a BYU singles ward back in April so technically we are in two wards now) and the sisters were so sweet about it.  my visiting teaching companion kayla asked "so what made you decide to go public about something that many people are very private about?" *so maybe that wasn't the exact question but it was something along those lines.  

heres my answer: i decided to go public because i wanted support in whatever the outcome is.  i believe in miracles. i have faith. i was taught to believe even if things don't make sense. i know everything happens for a reason.  it's been scary to be honest.  each day not knowing. i've definitely grown closer to my husband in these last few weeks.  i started feeling morning sickness when i was almost 6 weeks and i'm still experiencing it.  i have a love hate relationship with it.  hate...well for obvious reasons.  love? because i know my baby is alive.  i had my first ultrasound last tuesday on september 22nd and i was so sick to my stomach that they wouldn't find a heart beat or see anything.  but they did.  baby p is still hanging on.  i will be 11 weeks on friday. i am currently taking one pill for my hypothyroidism that doesn't affect my baby but will hopefully help (i haven't seen a difference because the whole pregnancy thing is taking over aka gaining weight, fatigue, etc.)

i like to think that heavenly father made my two pregnancy tests i took at home negative so that i'd go to the doctors to get a proper diagnosis.  i'm grateful for this whole experience.  it has made me be grateful not necessarily for my circumstances but just to have a spirit of gratitude.  i'm grateful for my husband who has an INSANE schedule but always make me his #1 priority.  he definitely takes care of me.  i'm grateful for the sweet sisters in my married ward who have brought me several dinners since cooking makes me want to throw up yet i have to eat literally every hour. i'm grateful for the support i've felt.  i feel your prayers each day.

heres to more faith. because i need it.

A year full of firsts

  remember how i've always been horrible at writing in my journal? if you don't, i'm pretty sure i have at least 10 journals each one containing one entry stating that "this will be the year i will write in my journey each day!" fail.  i think the only time i was somewhat consistent in writing in a journal was on my LDS mission in colorado.  probably because i felt guilty i was ready to go to bed while my companions were fiercely loyal to writing about their day whether it was great or terrible.  i always admired that.  so here i am, adding to the statistic of mormon women bloggers. really, this is just a way for me to document things so if you want to know more about my life then perfect.

a year of firsts:

•  my first year of marriage aka it's been the best because of thomas. mush.
•  first time traveling outside the country (besides mexico...but i'm mexican...so it doesn't count) to Aruba. 
• i saw my first vegas show, the beatles "love." life changing. go watch it...now.
• i turned 25...that counts as a first, right?
• first time blogging...as you can tell by the layout, i know nothing. so hopefully as the blog progresses, i'll learn to make it look trendy.  i thought there was suppose to be a picture of a dandy lion but apparently it's not there anymore?  see, i'm terrible.
•  my first pregnancy

.....i'm sure there are more but what really made me want to start a blog was the whole pregnancy thing and how that all came out.  well the G rated stuff. jk. but seriously.

i'll start with my pregnancy then go down the line of other memorable things that have happened this past year.  i'll try to include pictures because really, who doesn't like pictures?

enjoy!